Rebuilding the Habit
In which I challenge myself to get back on the wagon—the creative wagon, that is—and rediscover my lost habit of daily creativity.
A friend took this photo of me because I was about to buy this cropped branded sweatshirt from a coffee shop in Milwaukee, and I wanted to see how it looked. In hindsight, it’s a perfect little snapshot of the energy and confidence I was feeling at the moment.
In my last update, I really freaked myself out to see that I had only worked on ROTA for a minuscule, pathetic, heartbreaking 25 minutes in the past 17 days. Most of those days I did literally nothing (except probably beat myself up for not writing).
Before that, I had a really lovely daily habit of working on the second draft of ROTA almost every morning. I wanted that habit back - even when my life is totally crazy with other projects and commitments.
Right then and there, I challenged myself to pick up the habit again, even if it meant doing just the bare minimum. I made a commitment to write this newsletter 14 days later and report back on 14 days of progress, however small.
This is how it went
(With some lessons learned at the end)
Thursday 5/8/25: Sat down to write, then started this blog entry. Then I went on social media to promote my last newsletter, then wondered what’s the use of building a creative community if I don’t have anything to share with them? Thus despairing, I switched gears and wrote a note to our neighbors about our upcoming remodel. Reminding myself what I was really here for, I finally opened my phone so I could get the stopwatch to time how long I worked on ROTA, then got distracted by Marco Polo. I wondered if I need a rudimentary stopwatch like the one @martindarcyofficial uses to time the tasks he’s been putting off…so relatable.
After ALL OF THAT (and putting my phone on Do Not Disturb), I opened ROTA ch. 4 for 15 minutes before Robin peaked out his door and yelled “MORNING TIME!”
Friday 5/9/25: Opened ROTA for about 1 minute from the Box Office of MPT’s Merrily We Roll Along. The show on the monitor was too compelling though. Didn’t do anything.
Saturday 5/10/25: 48 minutes. I was on a roll while the boys slept in, then sort of panicked when I realized I needed to wake them up for Robin’s 4th birthday party!
Sunday 5/11/25: 0 minutes. I’ll claim I took a break because it was Mother’s Day! I also worked the matinee show of Merrily.
Monday 5/12/25: 0 minutes. It was a day of pure exhaustion after the adrenaline of opening weekend. Really must remember how debilitating that can feel.
Tuesday 5/13/25: 24 minutes in my morning work window. I actually wrote some new words! I didn’t just stare and rearrange and spiral.
Wednesday 5/14/25: Back to 0 minutes. Prioritized some MPT work and then the boys woke up.
Thursday 5/15/25: Went back to bed in a sleepy funk instead of staying up to write, but then got to the Club lobby and was working on a to-do list by rolling a D&D dice, as I am known to do. And dammit if the dice didn’t know exactly what they were doing. Got just enough done that when “ROTA” came up on the roll, I had NO excuse NOT to write. 15 solid minutes.
Can I start a streak that takes me to the finish line?
Friday 5/16/25: No, I cannot. 0 minutes.
Saturday 5/17/25: 30 minutes in the Club lobby. I let out a resonating sigh when I finished. Getting started had been so hard, like trying to run in a dream while your body is paralyzed, feet stuck fast to the floor.
Sunday 5/18/25: 0 minutes.
Monday 5/19/25: 5 minutes. I got into it for the breath of a moment before the boys woke up.
Tuesday 5/20/25: 29 minutes. We got something going here!
Wednesday 5/21/25: 50 minutes including finishing the chapter I was working on. Thank goodness.
In summary…
Did I do this very well? You know…it didn’t feel good to write out all those zeros. Each of those days felt pretty shitty.
But this also represents an undeniable more-than-incremental improvement. I wrote on most days (8 of 14) and I logged about 3 hours and 20 minutes of writing. That’s not nothing. Far from it.
So what did I learn? It’s more accurate to ask “what did I need to re-learn?” because these are not revolutionary discoveries, just timely reminders:
Small amounts add up.
Ah, the lesson I’m always forgetting: do just a little bit, the smallest amount possible. Whatever it is that means so much for you to work on, just add one grain of sand to the pile.
Especially if you’re a little nervous that you’ve been away from the work or unsure of where to get started. Just. Get. Started.
And! Don’t just make a list or make a plan, actually start the work. I’m often guilty of organizing the work so thoroughly that none of it even gets done.
Consistency makes it easier to start each day.
When it’s part of the routine, you don’t need to argue with yourself about whether or not to do it. Like putting on shoes before you go outside - of course you do it! Some days it’s the dingy old flip flops and some days it’s spectacular heels, but either way you are not going out into the world barefoot. It’s not even a question.
Can you make your creative practice like that? To the point that it’s not even a question?
Consistency has a multiplying effect.
If I can connect with my novel for even 5-10 minutes a day, maybe I can get a little writing done. Great.
What’s more: in that 5 minutes, I’m also planting a little seed of a question for my subconscious to work on while I’m changing diapers or washing dishes. Extraordinary ideas emerge from those ordinary moments.
But! If it’s been a week away from the work and you go to get back into it, you’ll need 20 minutes just to figure out where you left off. You’ve cut the thread and need to spend time stitching it back together.
Consistency reminds you that you are FOR REAL.
When I don’t write regularly, there is a clear and present voice that scolds, “You’re not a writer if you don’t write.”
Intellectually, I don’t even believe that voice. You CAN BE a writer even if you don’t write that day, that week, that month, that year…but sometimes that feels hard to believe.
It feels really good to have a consistent practice, even if it feels slow, to tell myself and that voice in my head that I AM doing this FOR REAL. So back off.
Accountability partners are badass magic.
You are my accountability partners, whether you realize it or not. Having even a few interested and supportive people out there truly helps light the fire to keep on going.
There is only so much creative energy in the well - be deliberate in where it goes
During this lull, I was very engaged in Middleton Player’s production of Merrily We Roll Along, which I wrote about in my last newsletter. That’s where many of my “extra” waking time (and sleep time) and creative energy went. Awesome, I would not have had it any other way.
It is a strong reminder that I, for one, only have so much creative energy. We ALL only have so much time. If you are giving that time and energy elsewhere, be aware. Make it a conscious choice. There’s nothing worse than time sneaked away from you by algorithms.
Celebrate the creative detours. All of this work is part of a story that we won’t fully understand until we look back at it.
What now?
Will I be continuing this level of detail in my posts? No, I will not. We both deserve more variety in the content here. But I will continue tracking my daily progress as I always have!
