It’s Our Time
What do you do when it would be very easy to believe that your best days are behind you?…Creatively speaking, that is.
Left: Renoir, Pierre-Auguste. Two Sisters (On the Terrace) (1881). Right: Fetti, Domenico. Melancholia (1615). Both: Art Institute Chicago. CC0 Public Domain Designation.
When was the last time you felt a sense of promise and possibility?
In hindsight, my youth seemed bursting with ideas and energy and dreams and vim and vigor. I could do anything, BE anything when I was a kid.
Then reality and the news cycle and climate change and raising children and making breakfast and giving the cats their medicine and a thousand other things...they all start to crowd out and diminish that little buoy of creative energy. It all takes its toll.
“Why so grim, Megan?”
Well, partially, it’s just my disposition to reflect on mortality occasionally.
Also, I’m a little disconnected from my writing at the moment (see recap at the end), which would feel even worse if it weren’t my other creative preoccupation: community theater.
That’s what’s got me ruminating this time. I can blame it all on Stephen Sondheim. Specifically, I’ve been supporting Middleton Players Theatre (MPT) in our production of Merrily We Roll Along.
If you know the show…
WAIT: Spoiler Alert
Now, I’m about to drop some mild spoilers for this 1981 musical. That’s right. This show is older than me, folks. But I respect anyone who’s hyper-sensitive to spoilers.
I saw the Broadway revival in October 2023 and was truly unspoiled going into it. And it was *so good* to go in blind. (Maybe saying that is already too much of a spoiler?!)
In the lobby photo booth with Brian, Matt, Elizabeth, Megan.
Things fall apart
OK, so if you know the show…
You might recall that the story moves in reverse chronological order, with the dissolution of friendships and marriages and careers all hitting you at the beginning of the show.
The MPT cast and artistic team are so articulate about this devolution. They talk about how memories get tainted and confused by later events. They reflect on how sad it can be to look back on life and see what’s been lost. They admit how painful it can be to remember a younger, more hopeful self who has faded away with time.
As Mary says in the show, everybody “Blames the way it is / On the way it was / On the way it never, ever was.”
Some dreams never come true
I’m 40 - about the same age as the characters as the show opens and everything has fallen apart. Just like those characters, there are opportunities that I’ve missed.
Just to name a few…
I’ll never be a professional dancer
I’ll never play the ingenue in a musical
I’ll never live in New York or Paris or London
I’ll never be a young phenome breakout author
I’ll never be young and hip again (as if I ever was)
I’ll never be appealing enough for a big book deal, runaway hit, or big screen adaptation
I’ll never make a living at creative endeavors
The ensemble warns at the top of the show, “Never look back.” Yeah, you might not like what you see.
Do you have that voice in your head?
Sure, some of those dreams are now technically impossible, specifically the ones that wish to be “young.” Some of them I don’t even want any more - what a relief.
But some of those squashed dreams are just the negative voice in my head trying not to let me get my hopes up.
Merrily We Roll Along doesn’t feel like a dream squasher to me
I won’t presume to say what Sondheim intended, but despite all the sadness in the show, I leave it feeling incredibly optimistic.
As the clock rewinds, year by year, the characters’ stories become uncomplicated. We peel back all the layers of time and find them staring up at the sky together. They sing: “It’s our time / Breathe it in / Worlds to change, and worlds to win”.
They’re ambitious. They’re hopeful. They’re naive. They’re just starting out.
It’s MY time
You might expect this middle-aged SAHM to relate more to the older characters who are barely grasping onto anything good left in their calamitous lives.
No, I connect with the college-aged, young versions of Mary, Frank, and Charley. They are starry-eyed and on the precipice.
Like them, I also feel that I’m at the beginning of something. I’m still (relatively) young. I’m still hopeful. I’m still naive, I’m still just starting out.
Is that delusion?
My life keeps changing and growing in ways that never cease to surprise me. As Frank sings, “Something is stirring, shifting ground / It's just begun.”
I get to work on incredible theater projects. I have a novel that feels real and alive and like it’s going to become something that people will read and love. My creative community just keeps getting bigger and stronger.
I may never make a living at creative endeavors, but I can MAKE A LIFE OF creative endeavors.
It’s YOUR time too
No matter where or when you are, I bet anything that you’re starting out on something too. Or you’re about to - you just don’t know it yet.
Sure, you’re not the same fresh-faced youth that you were after college, or after high school, or way back when you still had an imaginary friend.
But nevertheless, what are you on the precipice of?
There’s always time for a new dream
Coincidentally, I just wanted Tangled with our boys (who have become moderately obsessed with “movie night,” if only for the popcorn and treats.) This movie is about dreams too, with a reminder that you always have the opportunity to change your dreams or find new ones.
If you were looking for a new dream, what might that be? Dreams come in all shapes and sizes…
The iced coffee that you’re planning to make at naptime
An hour alone in the house
A visit to a new playground a little out of your way
Watching something grow in your garden
Going to a yoga class, if only for the bliss of lying flat on the floor at the end
Getting out the grown-up paint set that has been drying out at the back of the craft cabinet behind the kinetic sand
A vacation to look forward to, no matter how far into the future
Taking up a new hobby, no matter how childish
Working for a few minutes on a short story for even a single friend
Committing to a silly monthly blog
(Possibly over-)Committing to write a whole novel
“Soon enough you’re merrily, merrily
Practicing dreams
Dreams that will explode
Waking up the countryside
Making you feel merrily, merrily
What can go wrong?”
I think if you were to pause and let yourself make a list, you might find you’re downright “bursting with dreams.” And who cares what other people say about them?
IT’S OUR TIME.
Young or old, the world needs your optimism and creativity.
IT’S OUR TIME. The artists, the creators, the escapists, the connectors. As they say in Merrily: “Feel the flow, hear what's happening / We're what's happening / Don't you know, we're the movers and we're the shapers.”
You can move and shape the world around you, even if that sphere of influence may be small. Only a handful of readers may ever see what I write. Only residents of Dane County are likely to see the shows I help produce. That still counts for something.
When I hear the three friends assert, “we still have a lot to say,” I feel that! I want you to feel that! I want you to create something too!
What dreams are budding up inside you? What are you creating these days? If you’ve seen Merrily We Roll Along, is there a character or moment that you connect with most?
NOW CUE SHAMELESS PLUG
Come see our show, May 9-18. If you can’t come see it, consider making a financial contribution to MPT or to your own local theater company. Every bit helps.
Ring of the Axe: Waiting backstage
Since my last update on 3/13/25, I have worked on my second draft 23 out of 55 days, for a total of almost 27 hours. Not too bad. Most of that downtime has been recently while MPT is very active.
I have a spreadsheet of things that I’m changing and working on, and based on that I’m about 13% done with this draft.
When I was on a roll with revisions, I was flying high. The work was more re-WRITING than minor revising, but I was extremely excited about my decisions and where things were going.
Now I’m nervous. I’ve been mostly away from the work for 17 days, so it’s hard to imagine the amount of effort that will be required to dive back into the pool. Hopefully I have good news to report the next time I’m here!
